The maid/matron of honor is part worker bee, part emotional lifeboat. Chosen for your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion qualities, you should also remember that listening to the bride, making her laugh, and offering emotional and logistical support are also part of your honor attendant package. Here's what's expected:

• Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It's the maid/matron of honor's (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure all bridesmaids get their dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the information on all pre-wedding parties and events.


• Help the bride shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids') and shoes. The MOH pays for her own entire wedding outfit (including shoes).


• Offer to help the bride with pre-wedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors and helping keep her calm when she gets panicky.


• Spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered.


• Help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns.


• Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the registry china patterns, the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening.


• Host or co-host a wedding shower for the bride.


• Attend all pre-wedding parties.


• Keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (or delegate a bridesmaid to handle this).


• Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids.


• See to it that all bridesmaids get to the rehearsal; coordinate transportation and lodging, if necessary.


• Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony.


• Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar.


• Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows.


• Sign the marriage witness as a witness, along with the best man.


• Stand next to the groom in the receiving line if requested.


• Play hostess along with the other bridesmaids at frequent points during the reception: show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them to where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, etc.


• Collect any gift envelopes brought to the reception and keep them in a safe place.


• Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm.


• Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others.


• Toast the couple after the best man.


• Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.