As best man, you may think you're just a glorified groomsman, but guess what? You actually have special responsibilities -- you'll be a combination valet and hand-holder as you help the groom come through this nerve-racking experience with flying colors. As leader of the groom's posse, you'll:



Serve as the groom's personal aide and adviser before and during the wedding. This can include helping him pack for the honeymoon (the valet part).



Help the groom choose and rent (or buy) wedding formalwear, and coordinate the other groomsmen's rentals. You guys are supposed to match, after all! You may be expected to arrange accommodations for out-of-town groomsmen. 



It's your job to corral the other groomsmen and make sure they're performing their duties.



Organize the bachelor party. Don't be shy about enlisting other groomsmen to help you out -- most guys don't mind this duty! Put financial worries out of your mind -- the cost should be split among everyone who attends the bash.



Attend the rehearsal with the bride and groom and all the other attendants. This is your chance to figure out how you're supposed to walk down that aisle.



Stand beside the groom at the altar and keep the bride's ring until vows are exchanged. Find a safe place for the ring (and triple check that your pockets don't have holes) -- you don't want to fumble around when it's time to whip it out.



Sign the marriage license as a witness after the ceremony, along with the maid of honor.



Give the officiant a sealed envelope with his or her fee (the groom's responsibility) just after the ceremony.



You may be announced with the maid of honor when the reception begins.



Dance with both the maid of honor and the bride during the wedding party dances.



Give the first toast to the bride and groom at the reception. This is your biggest -- and probably most frightening -- duty. Need tips? Ask Jennifer for more information about what makes a great toast.



Collect any gift envelopes guests bring to the reception. You may be asked to deposit them in the couple's bank account or at least to keep them until the couple returns from their honeymoon.



Decorate the getaway car. Grab the other groomsmen and the bridesmaids for this one.



Drive the couple to the wedding-night hotel or airport after the reception. If you perform this service, you'll need to stay sober throughout the reception. If you have a feeling this may not be possible, hire a limo to drive the couple into the sunset.



The wedding will be over in the blink of an eye, so remember to enjoy yourself at the reception. After all, you're there to celebrate the happiest day of your best friend's life. Need more info? Ask Jennifer

The maid/matron of honor is part worker bee, part emotional lifeboat. Chosen for your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion qualities, you should also remember that listening to the bride, making her laugh, and offering emotional and logistical support are also part of your honor attendant package. Here's what's expected:

• Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It's the maid/matron of honor's (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure all bridesmaids get their dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the information on all pre-wedding parties and events.


• Help the bride shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids') and shoes. The MOH pays for her own entire wedding outfit (including shoes).


• Offer to help the bride with pre-wedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors and helping keep her calm when she gets panicky.


• Spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered.


• Help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns.


• Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the registry china patterns, the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening.


• Host or co-host a wedding shower for the bride.


• Attend all pre-wedding parties.


• Keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (or delegate a bridesmaid to handle this).


• Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids.


• See to it that all bridesmaids get to the rehearsal; coordinate transportation and lodging, if necessary.


• Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony.


• Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar.


• Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows.


• Sign the marriage witness as a witness, along with the best man.


• Stand next to the groom in the receiving line if requested.


• Play hostess along with the other bridesmaids at frequent points during the reception: show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them to where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, etc.


• Collect any gift envelopes brought to the reception and keep them in a safe place.


• Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm.


• Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others.


• Toast the couple after the best man.


• Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.

Why Have One?

A receiving line is the best opportunity to greet each guest individually and thank him or her for coming to your wedding. And if you're having more than 50 guests, it's considered proper etiquette. The line also guarantees your guests a minute of face-to-face time with you, a chance to hug, kiss, and congratulate you both, and to say things like "The ceremony was lovely." If you rely instead on the more casual greet-them-as-you-see-them approach, you may spend the whole party in a tailspin, ducking out of conversations to say hello to people you haven't greeted yet, and inevitably you'll end up missing someone.



When & Where?

Generally the receiving line is formed immediately following the ceremony or at the beginning of the reception. You'll want to consider space constraints when choosing where to line up so that family and bridal party members aren't standing on top of each other and guests have room to move in a smooth, orderly procession (which in turn makes the line go faster so you can all get on to the party). Proper ventilation is also crucial to avoid sweaty brows and swooning bridesmaids. The most commonly used ceremony site areas include the hallway or vestibule at the head of the aisle, outside the entry doors, down the front steps, or on the front porch. At your reception site the options are many, depending on the party space: consider the cocktail lounge, the lobby, just outside the doors leading into the main room, or the reception room itself, perhaps on the dance floor. Ultimately, pick a spot where you and your guests can stand comfortably for the duration.



Who Stands in it?

Traditionally, the bride's parents -- as hosts -- head the receiving line and are first to greet guests, followed by the bride and groom and then the groom's parents. Many lines we've seen also include the entire bridal party (if there's room), and sometimes even grandparents (if they're able). Today, however, with more couples contributing to or paying for their own weddings, the couple may wish to stand alone, especially if the majority of guests are their friends, or they may stand with just the moms while the dads circulate among and welcome the crowd during the cocktail hour.



Divorced & Remarried Parents

This may be one of the stickier situations you'll encounter when orchestrating the big day, and the resolution often depends on the relationships between the relevant parties. If your parents are divorced, they should not stand next to one another in line -- even if they are sharing hosting duties -- as this gives the impression that they are still a couple. Instead, place Mom on one side of you and the groom, then the groom's parents, then Dad. If this arrangement doesn't sit well, consider placing another family member or an honor attendant between them. And what about stepparents? Should you include them too? That depends: Do you have a good relationship with them? Is your mom/dad capable of sharing this duty with your stepmom/dad with civility and grace? You should strive to make everyone feel as comfortable as possible. If this arrangement gets the green light, simply have your father stand with his new wife, and your mother with her new husband. This way guests will understand the relationships.



Introductions All Around

The receiving line is where your hosting duties as the bride and groom kick off. It'll no doubt be a whirlwind of faces, but as much as possible you should introduce your new spouse and your parents to all the guests they have not yet met. First names and the guests' relationships to you should suffice. Likewise all guests should take it upon themselves to offer this same information as introduction to attendants and family members whom they've never met as they proceed down the line; simply shake hands, offer congratulations, and keep moving. The bride and groom need only accept everyone's hugs, kisses, and best wishes, and thank them for coming. It's that simple. And yes, you'll end up with a lot of lipstick on your cheeks, but fear not -- you're allowed to make a bathroom pit stop before heading to the party.



Variations on a Theme

As is common nowadays, traditions such as the receiving line are ultimately open to interpretation. Depending on the size of your guest list, you may opt to greet guests in other ways. One couple we know personally dismissed guests from their seats right after the ceremony, one row at a time (although we wouldn't recommend this for gatherings of more than 150 people, or if guests have to remain seated -- and suffer -- through hot sun, rain, strong winds, or other inclement conditions). If you have fewer than 50 guests, you might decide to turn cocktail hour into the meet-and-greet opportunity instead of a formal receiving line. Whatever you choose, the basic tenets still apply: Greet each of your guests in turn and thank them for joining you on this joyful occasion.

Traditionally, the bride's mother has absorbed most of the pre-wedding responsibilities, while the groom's family assumed more of a back seat. Nowadays, both moms take on a significant role in the planning process, especially if the two families are sharing the financial burden. No matter what the case, here's what's expected of the mother of the groom.

When the engagement is announced, call the bride's parents as soon as possible. Express your happiness and invite them over for cocktails or out to dinner.



Host a dinner to introduce the bride to the groom's side of the family.



Obtain information on where the couple is registered and spread the word to your side of the family. 



Be aware of the expenses typically covered by the groom's family and offer financial assistance, if appropriate, to the groom. Not sure what expenses are traditionally covered by the groom's family? Ask Jennifer at Custom Event Concepts for more information.



Offer to help scout out wedding and reception sites and ask friends and family for recommendations of caterers, florists, and other wedding vendors.



Offer to serve as the main contact for wedding professionals. Especially if the wedding is taking place in your town and the groom no longer lives there.



Draw up the guest list for the groom's family after asking the couple how many guests you are able to invite. This is especially important to get done as early as possible.



Attend the bridal shower and buy a gift. 



Obtain information on where the couple is registered and spread the word to your side of the family. 



Consult the bride's mom on her wedding day outfit. Shop for your own about 4-6 months before the wedding.

Be in touch with the bride or the bride's parent (whomever is collecting RSVPs) and offer to make calls to obtain last-minute responses for anyone on your side of the list that has not responded. This should happen between 3-4 weeks before the wedding.



Traditionally, plan and host the rehearsal dinner with the groom's dad. Planning should begin about 6 months prior to the wedding and the dinner will take place the day before the wedding.

Stand in the receiving line after the bride and groom (along with the groom's father).



Sit at the parents' table (if there is one).



Dance with the groom during the mother/son dance.

Have a great time!

Help bride and groom scout out wedding and reception sites and ask friends and family for vendor recommendations.



Serve as the main contact for wedding vendors. This can be especially helpful if the wedding is taking place in your town and the bride lives elsewhere.



Help the bride choose her wedding dress and accessories.



Compile and submit names and contact information of your family and friends to be included on the master guest list. This is key in the planning process, it is very important to compile this list EARLY!



Talk to the groom's family about whom they want to include on the guest list and manage the difficult task of limiting the number of guests, if necessary.



Determine what the bride wants you to wear on the big day and find a gorgeous dress. Then, consult with the groom's mom on what you two will be wearing. You'll both feel more comfortable if your elegance is in sync.



Start looking for the perfect dress.



Attend the bridal shower and rehearsal dinner. Offer help to the hostesses of these events, if necessary.



Escort the bride down the aisle if the bride's father isn't planning on it. In a Jewish wedding both parents accompany the bride.



In a Christian wedding, be seated in the first pew directly before the ceremony begins and leave the chapel first after the ceremony ends.



Stand in the receiving line to greet guests; traditionally, as reception hostess, the mother of the bride (MOB) heads up the line. 



Sit at the parents' table (if there is one).



Dance with the father of the bride (or other escort) and the groom during the first formal-dance sequence.



Remind the bride (often) how special she is and that she'll be the most beautiful bride in history.